Friday, August 7, 2009

The Teacher

So, I have just passed my year anniversary of teaching yoga--which actually began in May of last year. I was one of those eager beavers, lining up prospective studio gigs before I even took the written exam!

I just knew--I didn't even have a regular practice before I started teaching. I practiced but in a very sporadic sense. I know it's backwards, but I was inspired by yoga nevertheless because, my practice, when I practiced opened my heart and softened the tough exterior, moving me in a way that religion had never been able to touch, taking me closer to the self I had been conditioned to deprive.

So--I knew.

Looking back over the last year of my teaching is an interesting exercise. I have had cringe worthy moments when I left class thinking I was the biggest sham to walk across this ancient path. I have had highs that bolstered the resolve to make a life of this, I have had flat days and so-sos but what has never changed is my contentment to be there, my certainty that I have found one of my life's callings and my love and respect for the practice.

If anything, with every little mishap, dread or joy, my resolve deepens.

As I guided my students to their expression of Viparita Karani this evening, a place in my class where all bodies diverge and move in their own way, I observed each person and tried to discern their thoughts and regard of my class--were they inspired, were they engaged, were they bored, were they irritated?

The biggest obstacle to overcome, for me, is to show up everyday as the person I am, as the teacher I am and allow that authenticity to flow from me, effortlessly, without getting caught up in how I'm coming across and trying to be everything to everyone.

I'll get there, I know I will...there will be a day when the voice I long to use will no longer get caught in my throat because I take the last minute to judge the content and the reception of my students.

There's a teacher in me banging to get out, in full form, unabridged and on fire for how this practice has changed her and guided her, supported her and nourished her.

I have come closer to the divine...in me.

1 comment:

yogawithaja said...

Well said - my teaching anniversary is coming up too. After I completed training, I hesitated for a month. Although I had learned so much, the training opened up worlds of the unknown to me. But being a mover and a shaker, I eventually jumped in with both feet! Its true moments of self doubt creep in, but what an amazing gift yoga is and the world is blessed to have you sharing your yoga!