So, I have just passed my year anniversary of teaching yoga--which actually began in May of last year. I was one of those eager beavers, lining up prospective studio gigs before I even took the written exam!
I just knew--I didn't even have a regular practice before I started teaching. I practiced but in a very sporadic sense. I know it's backwards, but I was inspired by yoga nevertheless because, my practice, when I practiced opened my heart and softened the tough exterior, moving me in a way that religion had never been able to touch, taking me closer to the self I had been conditioned to deprive.
Looking back over the last year of my teaching is an interesting exercise. I have had cringe worthy moments when I left class thinking I was the biggest sham to walk across this ancient path. I have had highs that bolstered the resolve to make a life of this, I have had flat days and so-sos but what has never changed is my contentment to be there, my certainty that I have found one of my life's callings and my love and respect for the practice.
If anything, with every little mishap, dread or joy, my resolve deepens.
As I guided my students to their expression of Viparita Karani this evening, a place in my class where all bodies diverge and move in their own way, I observed each person and tried to discern their thoughts and regard of my class--were they inspired, were they engaged, were they bored, were they irritated?
The biggest obstacle to overcome, for me, is to show up everyday as the person I am, as the teacher I am and allow that authenticity to flow from me, effortlessly, without getting caught up in how I'm coming across and trying to be everything to everyone.
I'll get there, I know I will...there will be a day when the voice I long to use will no longer get caught in my throat because I take the last minute to judge the content and the reception of my students.
There's a teacher in me banging to get out, in full form, unabridged and on fire for how this practice has changed her and guided her, supported her and nourished her.
I have come closer to the divine...in me.