I've recently begun reading the blogs of yoga teachers at a California studio. First of all, what an amazing idea on SO many levels. For the students to feel a sense of connection with their instructor and to glimpse their (ahem) human-ness, for the teachers to explore their path and ideally make self-discoveries or even whine, and for others, like me, to sneak little peeks into their windows and breathe a great big yogic sigh of relief because 'it's not just me!'
Some teachers have written that a particular class they taught seemed 'off', no real reason or maybe too many to list, but 'off'. Well, hell--me too! I have those days of 'off' teaching where I'm certain when I leave the studio that no other student will EVER come to my class again. Why would they when I suck so bad, when I talk too much or not enough, when I stay too long in a pose or not long enough, when I have no words of inspiration for meditation, when my music is not just right, when I, when I, when I.
Others have written about their minds being cluttered with garbage--past relationships, body image, family baggage or various to-do's in life. Me too! My mind is akin to a 2 year old cracked out on too many Twinkies, a bottle full of red-bull and 2 hours off schedule with nap time. You get the idea...it ain't pretty.
Others have written about their practice suffering, their creative outlets falling by the wayside, self-doubt, self-criticism, good days, bad days--me too, me too, me too!
Hmmm...could it be that yoga teachers are, dare I say it aloud...
Could it be that this is the practice--off the mat, in and out of your head, in and out of the world, in and out of composure and sense and order. This is the practice--the stuff worth showing up for.