There are moments in my life when I feel like I get 'it', like I'm directly connected to the purpose, the reason, the point of it all, like my awareness is keen and I am a receptor for communication from the universe directly guided from within.
Yesterday was one of those days and I didn't even see it coming. If my meditation practice was any indication of what to expect from my day, I was no closer to enlightenment than I was to miraculous conception or levitation. I couldn't focus, couldn't sit still, I bounced between mantras, fingered the beads on my Mala, pretending that I was feeling each one for the first time and that I was somehow imbuing it with the 'energy' of my scattered and fragmented mantra repetition while secretly (secret from who, right?), I was seeking out that guru bead--only because it meant my Mala meditation was OvEr. Some mindset huh?
So I released myself from the meditation drudgery that I was creating and answered my body's call to move and this is where my 'presence' crept up on me though I wouldn't know it until later. During my asana practice, which has looked different since my surgery, there was no urge or push to go any further than I could, rather, there was this blissful acceptance and gratitude that I had a body at all to move on the mat, that I was beginning my day in this way, that I was present, alive. I was very tuned into my body, my experience, and very committed to honoring a path of exploration that did not seek to overdo or deplete.
When I had opened my body and flowed through my range of motion, then I was ready to settle. I tried meditation again but this time, with an object--I didn't think my Mala could handle another reckless handling. So I took a candle off my alter and sat it in front of my mat. My gaze rested on the flickering flame and my mind followed the breath...ahhh.
Centeredness. Stillness. Peace.
After my meditation, I showered, prepared my lunch for the day and drove into work--it wasn't until I was well into my morning that I realized just how present I was, just how connected I was to the life I was living--I was the living.
I was looking people in their eyes, really listening to what they were saying to me and making time for one-on-ones that I usually overlook. I did just a little more for people than I normally would--stepping outside to talk, centering my moment around them because they deserve that sort of attention in this world, offering tea and time and acknowledgement. I hugged my children when I got home and rubbed their sweet little cheeks.
When I arrived at the studio to teach my evening class, I took the time to center and then adorned the space with candles--more than I normally would because I wanted the space to inspire my students and I knew that I would present the same object meditation for them that I had practiced earlier. As they rested in Savasana, I placed a candle at the foot of each of their mats so that when they rose, the flickering light would greet them.
At the end of class, I thanked them 'from the bottom of my heart' for their attendance in class--I meant it sincerely. I am always moved when I teach but this place of awareness that I lived from yesterday accentuated the gratitude I experienced.
I lived into every single moment of my day. I lived into the nooks that I normally step over, I lived into the spaces in between my thoughts--I was living and experiencing abundance.
Now this is 'it', this is living, this is yoga, this is what I'm talkin' about. I want more because the sensory experience of mindful presence has me hungry and hooked.