Thursday, August 27, 2009

Monkey Mind

So just this past Monday, I was chiding myself after teaching my 'All-Levels' Hatha evening class~~the usual: I talked way too much...was I inspiring? Did it seem purely physical? Were my instructions clear? My instructions weren't clear...I moved too fast...the mood was flat...

The next morning I was complimented on the class by one of the students and more than the standard, "class was great..."~~she has taken my classes before but said there was 'something about that class'.

[Feedback loop: She's just being nice...]

Then before last night's class, I had a student walk out into the lobby just as I was locking the studio door to teach and she said, "I just wanted to thank you for Monday's class, it was great." She went on to say how she had a headache before class that worked its way out somewhere along our way.

[Feedback loop: Hmmm...perhaps I'm too hard on myself after all...]

The haze and daze of the monkey mind.

4 comments:

*aja said...

I hear ya. I substitute taught a gentle class for my studio owner the other day and I was feeling really unsure of myself afterwards…all raw and exposed. People came up to me and said the nicest things, but they didn’t stick. Then someone came up to me and said “What kind of yoga was that?” I said “Kripalu” and she responded that “it wasn’t like any Kripalu class she had ever taken, it was a lot faster and I got a real workout” – well, I was crushed. That little almost negative comment festered in me all night, and I beat myself up really bad. But then my guy, who came to class, pointed out that it was indeed gentle (we didn’t stand up once) and that tons of other people said nice things so why I am using that one comment as bait for my ego to be self loathing? (Excellent question) I tried to just let it go and allow that authentic me to be ok…still workin’ on it...sometimes it seems the real work isnt teaching the class, but handling it afterwards!

TINA VAUGHN said...

Yes! Handling it afterwards--wonderfully put. Such a fine balance we must strike--authentic, yet open to the feedback of others.

I heard an interview with Kira Ryder recently where she was talking about this very thing--beating oneself up for perceived failings while teaching--and she said, "I have to remember, it's not about me."

My new mantra, "it's not about me".

yogawithaja said...

I need to find that interview! I love her teachings, she is so real and awesome!

TINA VAUGHN said...

Aja--

It's at ihanuman.com

There is a video clip of her on Inner Authority (just about 3 minutes long) and under a section entitled, Previous Features, you'll see the interview listed--it was SOOOOO inspiring for me, I really get her.

Enjoy!