Thursday, May 27, 2010

Perspective.

As I sat down to write this post, initially, it was going to be about the amount of stress in my life and how poorly I have handled the load and some lengthy exposition of how my stress is so much more and so different from all others before...

Four or five sentences in, a co-worker walked into my office, sat in a chair and told me that one of our other directors had lost their husband last night - he was found dead this morning, in their kitchen.

I hit backspace - suddenly my 'troubles' didn't seem so troubling.

In the wake of something so big, I at once felt small.

Instead of another second wasted on spinning my wheels, I gave thanks for my life, my children, my health, my girlfriend, my family - the abundance that is my life.

I may be overwhelmed by the sheer number of reports required of me on a monthly basis but I go home to my children who love me and look forward to seeing me.

I have boxes all over my new apartment with contents that even I am unsure of but I am building a relationship that promises to take me into my future and she's here with me, loving me and adoring me.

My finances are tight but I am able-bodied and wake up healthy every morning with enough food in my fridge and the bills are paid.

We lay down at night, we wake up in the morning - we move through our days and nights, some more careless than others, some more mindful than others.

I hate that it took a someone else's tragedy to realign my life with gratitude.

Her world has been changed.

The hand she reached for across the sidewalk is forever gone.

The warmth she sought from his body in bed every night, no longer.

The 'thing' he used to do will now live on in only her memories.

I get overwhelmed with the details of my living sometimes but those hands I seek are still there, the warmth ever present and the 'thing'...draws me in every time.

My life is beautiful and my cup runneth over.

5 comments:

Emma said...

thank you for your gratitude and sharing it!

The Misanthropic Yogini said...

Very powerful perspective bender. Thanks for putting it all into place.

TINA VAUGHN said...

You are both very welcome - thanks for your comments.

Love,
Tina

Brenda P. said...

This is lovely and thoughtful. You next chapter sounds exciting and brave. I hope the rough stuff starts to even out...and thanks for the reminder.

TINA VAUGHN said...

Thanks Brenda - life is full and so, so good.

I have waited for many of my 35 years to find the love I could build my future on and it's so sweet.