Happiness = it.
You can count on it.
You can rest in it.
No amount of noise or confusion or unrest or dis-ease can sway you from it.
It belongs to you regardless of circumstance or mood and all reaction is tempered by it's reliability.
I have spent this lifetime, thus far, cultivating my own reliable happiness - so much so, that I'm pretty even keel.
I HAVE WORKED SO HARD FOR THIS...
...because for MOST of my life, I have been a slave to my mind, my emotions and subsequent reactions - I'd see myself lose control and fall out of balance and crash into chaos.
I want to be a witness of my mind and the emotions birthed from stories told there, to be a compassionate observer, to be an able warrior willing to stand strong in the midst of tumult, resistant to the pull.
I will get excited and jump around with silly abandon and I will get cursing-storm angry and yes, I will get can't-get-out-of-bed sad.
But it will be rare and for that, I am grateful - grateful to finally be here, in my skin - in a state of reliable happiness.
This phrase, reliable happiness, is a phrase from Rolf Sovik and I was introduced to it by my yoga teacher as she led us through class.
Once the words left her lips, I had found my mantra - that which summarized my state.
I live from a place of gratitude and equilibrium and I guard that place - I must. I cannot allow threats to this which I have worked so hard far, fought for even.
This life is beautiful - with all of its shades and imperfections, complexities and gifts - this life is beautiful and I want to bask in the richness.